Sitting here, finding myself single again and navigating dating aged 51 is what you might describe as a minefield. Not dissimilar to job hunting, and as I am endeavouring to pilot my way through both I thought I’d update the smug amongst you who are contentedly established in the elusive pair.
Firstly, job applications. Now, my CV isn’t too shabby, with a big mixture of strengths, and some meat behind it to push it to the front of the queue. These jobs, mainly communications roles within the education, ecology and environment charity sectors look on paper like I tick every single box. With experience, age, and a bit of drive behind me I’d have thought I might get an interview. But no! Over 80 people going for these jobs, I think I am possibly too old, too Henley, too something. In fact, you aren’t even informed that you haven’t reached the interview stage, we aren’t talking massive multi-nationals, but local businesses & small charities. Even local businesses who know me didn’t acknowledge receipt of my CV and application, an email to a job advertised on the back of the Henley Standard didn’t even warrant a reply. I can’t help feeling that we, as a humans should not be treating anyone to this demoralising rejection, leaving people wondering if their application reached its recipient, if they’d worded their letter which took around 3-days to complete, was lacking. I was chatting to a friend whose company offer a package for their employees which includes your birthday off, a pyjama day (no notice needed) a life-admin day, a Christmas shopping day all alongside the usual holiday allocation. This, is what we should all be offering surely?
Now, on to the online dating – where to start..........There are many adjectives I could use to describe it: horrific, disappointing, a meat market. So, I thought, I’ll join an online dating service that means I’ll meet like minded folk – Fitness Singles, one might think that there will be lots of driven, fit, committed humans – but not so much, I’d say the majority play darts in the pub every night, which, is fantastic, buy my imagining was more tri athletes, swimmers, skiers. There are some attractive, sporty types but they live in Scotland, or a distance not conducive to dating around Henley-on-Thames! So, then you think, well I’ll join Tinder, as it is the most popular, and has the highest number of members. Not everyone on Tinder is up for a hook-up or one night stand, you input your details into the app, including what you are looking for – long term relationship, kind, honest date etc. However, the truth is people can put anything they like, and you have no measure like you would if they were a friend of a friend. You literally have to believe what they tell you, and make your own judgement. All you have in these situations is trust, you have to begin with that, or what else do you have. I’m a person who is eternally optimistic, wanting to believe everyone is good, until proved otherwise. This generally means I am constantly disappointed.
I have learned that you need to message for a bit, find out the basics, then voice call, followed by a video call – then arrange a meeting if after all of those you still want to. Most humans on these sites are happy as long as you are honest that they are not for you.
I can’t tell you how many unsolicited willy photos I’ve received (no one needs to see that), I’ve been catfished*, ghosted*, stood up, and lied to. Dates looking 20 years older than their profile, clearly having dug through their ex-wives photo album for a photo of themselves looking thinner in their 40’s. Some have an ex-girlfriend or wife scribbled out next to them. Some are actually married, and admit as much – the moral compass of many of these site users is highly questionable. Some are looking for a third person in their marriage, each to their own – no judgement from me, but that’s not my bag.
My sum up of the whole situation is that somehow I need to meet someone in person, so my new years resolution (not that I believe in them, I only ever disappoint myself) was to get out of my house to work. I’m sitting here now in the Green Room behind the Town Hall, its busy, buzzing and I get fed coffee, I can chat to people and it isn’t just me and the dogs.
I’ve discovered that there are singles events in Henley, who knew? So below is some information if you are interested, perhaps I’ll see you at one.
Anyway, the outcome of all of this is that I’m going to give up, continue with busying myself and hopefully someone will turn up to rock my world. Wish me luck.
Jacobini Wine – Sunday’s 15:00 – 18:00
Date in the Diary - https://www.dateinthediary.com/
The Green Room - https://thegreenroomhenley.com/
*catfished – deceived by someone online who creates a false identity.
* ghosted – someone abruptly stops communicating or disappears without explanation.
Good luck with your job and man hunting. I was almost exactly the same age as you when I was also hunting for both. The job hunting was more desperate ( difficult to live without money, and I was also supporting 3 children ( I had them rather late)) and it was thankfully before the time when dick pics were fashionable so the internet dating was fairly stress free Compared to the job hunting. In the end I was successful in finding both, and I was far less interesting than you. Sure you will succeed. Good luck.