Since my last post, I’ve had some amazing communications from old friends, unexpected messages of care, love and humour. I hope my frankly silly but honest observations connect with people, I’m sure I’m telling a story of many middle-aged, divorced women who haven’t dated for many years.
The last time I dated was when I was 24! Now 51, worn down by 23 years of raising, fabulous, independent children, and seeing a very empty nest on the horizon, another human in my life seems to feel slightly more urgent. I’ve chatted to others my age, in the same situation, and we all feel that our time has now come, to be us, live our lives. It’s not that I don’t like being on my own, I do, I love the house to myself. Let’s face it, it stays tidy, and I can do whatever I like – very liberating. It is the evenings and events where it feels ever so slightly tragic. As my friends will attest to, I’m also happy to rock up to events on my own, but sharing is caring right?
My kids are amazing, as are all young people, they seem so much more clever than I ever was, street wise, and confident. But they aren’t really interested in how my day went, who said what, and what I got up to. They think the idea of me dating is horrific!
Learning the rules of dating in 2024 has, and continues to be a steep learning curve, when I last dated mobile phones had only just been invented, and were certainly not owned by everyone. Things have changed, I’m not entirely sure for the better. When we went to school discos, at some village hall where your Dad would sit outside in the car waiting for you at 10pm (thanks Dad), if you snogged someone, they were then assumed to be your boyfriend/girlfriend. Not now, apparently you have to ask to be someone's bf or gf, and this can be any length of time after meeting – you will have reached every base, and even ones you didn’t know existed, all before actually becoming an item! It is all far more complicated. What’s more, no one actually tells you these rules, there is no book, no guide, asking ones offspring just seems wrong!
Pretty much all dating at my age is done over the internet, these are a different set of rules, all on apps, and could be a full-time job swiping, messaging & communicating. Swipe right, message, chat & video call – all fairly simple, but you still don’t really know who you are going to meet. You can go to singles events, which are good fun, and for an extrovert like me, you get to meet some really interesting people from all walks of life. I attended one last week with lovely Lisa who runs Date in the Diary, in a pub in Marlow. I met loads of people, made some new best friends, and am now on a ladies single hotties (self proclaimed) WhatsApp group, where we share experiences, laugh and arrange girls nights out. All the men were very nice, easy to talk to, but I think they were terrified. A group of high-earning (not me, clearly), high-achieving ladies – fairly intimidating I should think. Perhaps if more men came out to single nights they’d be stronger as a group. What is holding them back?
I don’t think I’ve been chatted up in person by anyone for years, where have those wonderfully awkward conversations gone? Age and location come into play here, when you are 20, most of your friends and peer group are single, it is easy to meet people at parties and clubs. At my age, either everyone is married, or in a relationship, you are invited to events as a couple, with couples.
This week’s take home is; if you are a gentleman, be gentlemanly and talk to lovely ladies, respectfully, with humour and kindness – chat them up boys, every girl loves to be flattered, made to feel good & loved.
In case you were wondering, I've had some fun with AI, photos are filtered!
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